A Stark Family Christmas

Merry Christmas from the Starks. Actually, this is a picture from last year's Christmas, its one of my favorites. We forgot to take one this year. If you look close enough, you will see that Scout made this picture x-rated. We didn't realize this until after my parents sent it out to all of their friends. God bless you, Scout.
Christmas this year was great. I love Christmas....I can't get enough of it. Its over in a flash, though, and that always leaves me feeling empty and a little depressed. I mentioned in a previous blog that Christmas dinner is my favorite hour of the year. It is, but this year was incomplete. My Grandma is very sick so she was not able to join us at the table. We missed her...and it definately wasnt the same without her. One year she inhaled a helium balloon and sang to us...God bless you, Gommie.
Gommie was able to join us for Christmas Eve when we opened gifts, though. That hour was my favorite of the year. At one point, amid the flying paper, the music, the laughs, and hugs, I stopped opening gifts and looked around the room. I watched as all of the people most precious and dear to me, sat in one room. Everyone with smiles on their faces. Everyone wanting nothing but to be sitting in that room. It was slow motion, soundless. It was a desperate feeling because I wanted it to last forever. I wanted so badly to stop time. Even now as I write this my eyes are welling up with tears thinking about it. I love Christmas. I can hardly wait for it to come again.
Now I sit here with an oversized Basset Hound snoring on my right. The Christmas tree is still lit, but the gifts are gone. There are ashes in the fireplace, but the fire is out. Colin is back in New York, Clay is back at work, and I am beginning to think about packing up and heading back to Phoenix. Life is funny...

Life...in a shade of Blue

...I sleep too much...

...I'm really not as sad as I look...

...I hate that damn alarm clock...

...Scout really is my best frend, I should be nicer to him...

...the first year of my life still haunts me...

...I wish they would feed me something different...

...Steve sure does watch a lot of Judge Judy...

...why are my lips so big, it's embarrassing...

...I'm very lonely...

...I need a cigarette...

...I wish Brandon paid more attention to me...

...I can't believe Steve is still watching Judge Judy...

...all I want is to be fed and have my belly rubbed...

...Jeff Cross got what he deserved, that liar...

...why do they leave me alone...

...I hear they are putting in a pool and getting a new sofa, enjoy your pool Scout...

...Brandon takes up way too much room in my bed...

...I only want to go to the park...

...I hate hiking, the outdoorsy thing is an act...


...why can't I go to work with you, I am lonely...

...I will watch this footbal game with you...

...car rides scare the shit out of me, literally...

...Please put down that computer, I'm right here...

...Thank God you made Scout get that surgery...

...I'm not sure why my eyes droop...

...It hurts my feelings when people are scared of me...

...Scout ate the sofa, I had nothing to do with it...

...Bella barks way too much...

...I am embarrassed by my size...

...Damn, that Boxer across the street is looking so fine...

...I have a filthy mouth...

...i wish one of these guys would get a girlfriend...

...It breaks my heart when you yell at me...

...it am just as embarrassed about the drool as you are...

...can we get a cat...

...I will jump an eight foot fence if it means I get to be with Brandon...

...Steve, you're a great cook...share the love, brotha...

...I have ticks, it's disgusting and embarrassing...

...Are you really leaving me alone on Christmas...

Happy Holidays, from Brandon

Seasons greetings, or is it Happy Holidays, maybe Merry Christmas. I'm not sure what to say anymore. When "Merry Christmas" became a bad word a few years ago it really bothered me. I would get really worked up about it and have long intelligent sounding conversations with friends and coworkers about this. The funny this is, those who are trying to stop me from saying Merry Christmas because it is offensive to them, have actually offended me by not letting me say it. Both parties are offended either way. It's a stupid argument, I'm done with it, and really don't care how you greet me when I enter your store. Saturday Night Live did a great skit about Wal-Mart employees not being able to greet with "Merry Christmas" anymore. The greeters got around this new rule by saying, "Happy Holidays, from Jesus".

I love this time of year. I enjoy pretty much everything about it. It is the one time of year that my whole family gathers around a table. That hour really is the best hour of my whole year.

My shopping hasn't happened yet. Things are just so busy this time of year. I've decieded Saturday morning I am just going to get er done. I am headed to Scottsdale Fashion Square to face the crowds, music, bargains, etc, and I'm not leaving until I've got a gift for everyone on my list.

I hate being busy. I love free time. But it's funny, everytime I have free time all I do is find ways to fill it. It usually involves some kind of project around the house, Home Depot, and 50 dollars. This time of year is great, but busy. Sometimes during the holidays I long for a hot summer day when my schedule is empty, friends are in town, and everyone seems to have time to hang out. Those days will be back before we know it, so I guess I will just try to enjoy where I'm at right now.

Let's Be Honest

Man, I still struggle with blogging. Insecurity, I guess. It's more a question of, "do people really care what I have to say"? "do people really want to hear about my life?", "do people realize what a stretch it is for me to try to sound intelligent?" Who cares, what the heck, I'll blog.
I do find that sometimes its just hard to know where to begin. Do I talk about work? Nobody really wants to hear about that...and if I really talk about work, I will probably get myself in trouble. I actually do find myself enjoying my work more these days. A few new side project have popped up, my patient load has increased dramatically, and I have my very own intern. He will be with me until May.
I want to be honest. Not about any certain topic, just honest. I wish my life could be an open book...but that won't happen. Pride is probably the number one reason, but also a good deal of social awkwardness and anxiety gets in the way. I just want honest, deep relationships. I'm tired of the bullshit. Forgive me, that's who I am.
How honest am I? How well do people know me? How well do I know them? As you know this has been an ongoing theme through my blog. Yes, I am trying to be honest and let you see a little more of who I am, but you know what the funny thing is?? I have not told a single member of my family about this blog. Honestly, I don't want to. Why is it so hard to be honest to the people closest to you? Why won't I let the people most dear to me read these entries? They're not that revealing. And the thing is, I have a great relationship with my family. Just something I've been thinking about today. And really, I don't want your answers to these questions in my "comments" section. No offense, it's just not why I wrote this blog.